The following FAQ answer some common questions I am asked by women considering working under the Funhouse brands. If you have any questions of your own, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org This page answers all the general questions and then there are more specific ones answered on separate pages for each area of work.
What if I know the client?
At Funhouse we have an intercom that will allow you to see the client as they enter the building so in the unlikely event that you see someone you know you immediately get the Madam and she will deal with the situation. The client will not see you. Also imagine how the client will feel – at least you got to see who they are! But we always assure discretion both ways.
If you are a client reading this – the intercom is only used by each individual lady as they await their booking. The screen doesn’t show up in the staff room.
What are the hours I have to work each week?
At Funhouse you have the luxury of being ‘on call’ or ‘on shift’ but always ‘by appointment ‘ and we are flexible to suit your life. Every Sunday I text all of the girls to see what their availability is for the coming week, it can change every week if your life does. We always give at least an hours notice for a booking, and you have the right to say yes or no to that booking.
What percentage do I get paid?
Our payout structure is based around you getting between 60 and 70% of the take from each job. Although that is not what it actually seems like when it is written down, by the time you add on the things we pay for that no other agency does and the fact that we also charge no fees of any type (many agencies have hidden costs) we even pay for all of your advertising, then it works out to be at least 60 to 70% of the total amount. And with massage bookings you get around 70% of the total amount charged, without costs though it is often more like 75%.
What if I only want to do sensual massage and not full service?
We are now the busiest high-end sensual massage establishment in Wellington with a great regular clientele. We have some ladies who provide sensual massage ONLY and all do well enough to make it viable for them and us. And it is still a growing part of our business; in fact we now have four dedicated massage rooms and a fifth ‘pop-up’ room to make the most of the busy times. All of our ladies provide extras, within their comfort zone and generally our ladies are making at least twice per job what is possible anywhere else. But extras are not compulsory for you or the client.
We train you in the sexy art of sensual, erotic, naked, body2body massage and provide everything needed to perform to the best of your ability.
What if I am not very experienced with sex or even sex with men?
We give you basic training before you start – as long as you know where the penis goes and what sex involves then we can teach you a lot of other things. There are constantly things to be learned from us and we will give you tips and training as you go along. We also promote, practice and provide for all types of safe sex.
What if I do not want to see the client again?
If you meet a client that for whatever reason you decide you do not wish to spend time with again then you just need to remember that at Funhouse you don’t have to see any client that you don’t wish to.
What if I have no money to buy new lingerie to get started?
We always have new sets of cute knickers and outfits for every new girl to get their first photo-shoot done so they can begin work and start earning money. THEN you can go and treat yourself to some new sets of lingerie. We don’t expect you to spend a fortune on lingerie, buying several sets of matching cute, feminine underwear from a less expensive shop is perfectly acceptable.
How do I apply to work at Funhouse?
When you get to the stage where you want to apply to be a Funhouse Goddess then what I need is some recent photos of you along with a description or a little bit about yourself. I don’t need your entire life history, just when you are available, how old you are, if you have worked before, a little about what has led you to being interested in sex work, that kind of thing. Whether or not you have tattoos or stretch marks, if you live in the city or away from Wellington.
With regard to the photos they go no further than me but we get so many women applying I have to make some judgment calls at the application stage or else I would be out meeting people all day and Funhouse would be Madamless! So the photos need to be a clear, recent face shot, and two clear, recent shots of you in lingerie or a bikini so I can get a general idea of what you look like.
Use the contact page to get in touch if you just have questions.
What if I have bookings and I don’t feel well or I don’t feel “on top of my game”?
When a Funhouse woman is on the premises to see a client it is because she wants to and is feeling well and is happy about being here. At Funhouse you are never bullied or coerced into doing any job that you don’t wish to.
What if my plans change and I can’t be available the days I promised?
At Funhouse, communication is the biggest thing. Each Sunday I contact everyone for her availability over the next week. If this changes then just let me know and there will be no drama. It is only when someone avoids honest communication that it can be stressful. Be open and honest and communicative and you will find Funhouse will fit in with your life like no other job in the world.
If I am a larger woman will I be able to work at funhouse?
With appointment only agencies like Funhouse it is the petite ladies who get the lions share of the work. It doesn’t mean bigger ladies get no work but it is a lot less than the other ladies, often so much less that it just isn’t viable. This will also have a detrimental effect on your confidence – which is the opposite of what we want to see happen. This is not a personal judgment as I am a curvy lady myself; it is just a business model reality.
If I am a mature woman will I get work at Funhouse?
You will see from our website that we have mature ladies on the books, but as with our younger ladies they are generally petite and in extremely good nick for their age. Unfortunately life experience, sexual confidence and a huge bosom don’t make up for a close to perfect body. Stretch marks and ‘cuddly’ figures are not what our clientele are after. This does not mean that you won’t be able to be successful in this industry, just not at Funhouse. This is not a judgment thing – just a business model reality.
Where will my interview be conducted?
I never interview anyone at our premises. Why? Because I don’t take on everyone I interview and every person who comes to our premises that doesn’t work here or visit as a client has no reason not to point us out to their friends which means many more people will know where we are and may see you coming or going to work. We think about every possible aspect of your privacy just in case you haven’t.
Will I have to deal with drunks and guys that are high?
Our main clientele are responsible, respectful professional men who would never entertain the thought of arriving here under the influence of anything but their sex drive or their desire for friendly, female company. The hours that we are open tend to keep away drunk clients and we are not an advertised address so people can’t wander in off the street, nor do we have a bar to encourage drinking. If a client ever arrived that was inebriated and being a pain he would be asked to leave. So no you don’t have to deal with drunks.
How old do I need to be to apply?
To work in the sex industry you must be at least 18 years old. I do need to see ID as well so it isn’t worth trying to fool me. Also if you are under 18 years old and someone is willing to take you on then I would seriously question how well they will look after you if they ignore that basic legal requirement.
Will clients approach me in the street?
I won’t guarantee this will never happen but it is a seldom occurrence and if it does happen you just pretend you don’t know them and they have mistaken you for someone else. As long as you haven’t told them your real name then they will only know you by your work name, which is a good cover if you are with friends.
What if I want to go away for a few weeks?
Your time is yours to divide up how you wish. If you are going on holiday then you just need to tell me when and then you go on holiday and come back whenever you are ready.
If I have worked before can I still be eligible for Funhouse?
If you have worked in Wellington it will depend whereabouts you have worked and for how long. If you have worked before but not in Wellington then it is more likely you will be able to come on board at Funhouse.
I have just read through your website and I have a few more questions. How do you know if the girls are capable of providing great service? Do they have to demonstrate it or something?
That is a very good question. No there are no demonstrations required. There is a sixth sense called gut instinct that I engage by talking to and listening to and meeting with women that have the right attributes for what makes a Funhouse lady. It is amazing what can be learned from this. Attitudes to sex are very important. There are women who are sexy and women who aren’t – that is not a purely physical thing it is also an attitude.
Also when you talk about service – that is not JUST about the sex. Warmth, smarts, personality, beauty, sincerity all come into play here. Our clients are not all looking for just sex but also company. We have clients who book for a minimum of 4 hours, some longer, that is not just about sex.
Even with many one-hour clients the sex can be just 10 minutes of the booking.
When girls are new I put them with regular clients who will often give feedback – not detailed – just enough for me to know that woman has the Funhouse WOW factor – no feedback means it may be lacking. But then she may just not have appealed to that client. I have been doing this for a very long time and know exactly what I am looking for and what makes a Funhouse gal.
What if I want to get a tattoo or piercing while working?
From our point of view the main points around tattoos and piercings are that the more you have the more photo shopping we have to do and if it gets to an extreme amount of either or both then you will lose clients who don’t enjoy meeting women with lots of body modifications. But from a health point of view I suggest if you are having work done then have it done when you are having time off from Funhouse.
What if I am not bi-sexual?
Not everyone at Funhouse is bi-sexual nor are they expected to be. We have many happily bi-sexual women who provide genuine bi-doubles but they aren’t compulsory.
What if I only want to do sessions of straight GFE (girlfriend experience) sex and not fantasies and all of the other things that Funhouse provides?
We have women who have been with us for several years who provide purely GFE sessions, they are very good at it and they are happy doing it. We work within your comfort zone and respect all of your boundaries.
Can I say ‘No’ to a booking or a client?
You are backed by the law in New Zealand to be able to say “No” to any client at any time for any reason. You are also backed by Funhouse to do the same thing, as this is how I have always worked for the 21 years I have been a Madam.
What about paying tax?
I encourage all of our women to pay tax and this is something we can help you with. It is only fair that we pay tax just like everyone else in the country and without the sex industry paying its dues it is more likely that it would be used against us as a reason to recriminalise our wonderful industry. Also if you are paying tax then you will sleep better at night and if you end up doing this for a while and saving money you can use that money legally to further yourself. And lastly when paying tax it can all be done discreetly so nothing goes on your permanent record, so no stress about being outed or branded for life.
How do I apply if I don’t wish to reveal my real name?
I recommend to anyone applying to work in this industry to use an email address without your full name on it. Most of us are totally honest and discreet but it never hurts to be cautious with your personal details in this world of social media frenzy.
What are specifics for each area of Funhouse?
If you wish to find out pay rates or details pertaining to each different area of the Funhouse brand then click on the links below