Do you have some burning questions? Niggling anxieties or just want to know a little more?
Then this FAQ is for you!
What if I know the client?
At Funhouse we have an intercom system, allowing you to see the client before you let them in.
If you are a client reading this, rest assured the intercom is only used by the lady who is waiting to greet you, your privacy is protected at all times!
What hours do I have to work each weak?
You can choose your hours; Either on shift or on call.
Every Sunday Madam Mary will send a text asking what days/times you would like to be available for the coming week. If anything changes, the only rule is that you communicate clearly.
You always have the right to turn down bookings and ideally you will be given at least an hours notice before a booking.
Show me the money
Our payout structure is based around you getting between 60 and 70 percent of the take from each job.
It may not seem that way when written down, but taking into account the advertising/material costs that go into each booking, it works out to be at least 60 to 70 percent.
With massage bookings you get around 70 percent of the total amount charged without costs it is often more like 75percent (woo!).
What if I only want to do sensual massage and not full service?
Your body, your rules.
You can choose to only provide massage or provide massage and full service and either is fine and dandy.
If you do decide to opt for massage only you may still wish to provide extras.
Different women are comfortable with different services and Funhouse supports your right to establish your own boundaries.
What if I am not very experienced with sex?
As long as you feel as though you can stand up for your boundaries and are ok with being in a sexual environment, the rest is practice and confidence.
We give you basic training and can talk you through some helpful tips and tricks for practicing safe, fun and consensual sex.
If you have any questions, we will answer them, no matter how embarrassing or trivial they seem.
What if I don’t want to see a client again?
You don’t have to.
You have a right to say ‘no’ to any booking for whatever reason.
Sex work should never feel yucky, unsafe or pressured, so we will always support your decisions and back you up 110%
What if I have no money to buy new lingerie for photos?
One of our most popular ladies here first arrived to FH with a bra that was held together with safety pins.
We have plenty of outfits and new sets of cute knickers in cases of emergency.
Then perhaps once you get your first payout you may want to splash out on a few matching sets of underwear, inexpensive is fine; Feminine and cute is all we ask.
I’m in! How do I apply??
You will need to provide some recent photos (you can find tips on how to do this here), along with a little description of yourself; This may include why you are interested in becoming an escort, what you consider to be your cutest feature/best quality and whether or not you have tried sex work before.
Including your age, any tattoos, large marks or significant scars you may have is also super-important and whether you live in Wellington or elsewhere.
Your confidentiality will be respected at all times and any info/pictures you submit will only be seen by Madam Mary.
Due to the high volume of applications Mary is unable to meet with everyone who applies and some decisions will be made based on the applications alone.
The photos should include a clear, recent face shot and two clear, recent shots of you in a bikini so that Madam Mary is able to get a general idea of how you may photograph.
What if I have a booking and feel unwell or bad?
You will never ever be bullied or coerced into taking a booking. Your mental and physical wellbeing is the priority before anything else.
What if I said I am available but then things change?
Let Madam Mary know as soon as you realise your plans have changed; Open and honest communication is key.
Will I have to deal with drunk/high guys?
Our main clientele are responsible, respectful, professional men.
We do not allow just anyone to wander in off the street; Clients have to be coherent enough to communicate clearly and make bookings with Mary.
If a client was to turn up inebriated, they would be asked to leave.
How old do I need to be to apply?
18 years old minimum, with Id in hand.
Will clients approach me in the street?
Well we can’t guarantee this won’t happen, the majority of our clients are far too concerned with their own anonymity to do such a thing; It is very easy to pretend that any unwanted attention is a case of mistaken identity.
What if I take a holiday?
Communicate with Madam Mary your departure and return dates and come back to FH whenever you are ready.
The first rule of Funhouse is don’t talk about Funhouse
The location of Funhouse will only be revealed to you once you are hired; This protects the anonymity of both clients and workers.
What if I have worked before, can I still apply?
If you have worked in Wellington it will depend on the whereabouts, how much you charged and how long you have worked for; If you have not worked in Wellington you are more likely to be able to transition.
Do I have to *gulp* ‘audition’?
God no. There is no creepy ‘testing out’ of new girls, just talking.
Mary is looking for a combination of beauty, brains, empathy and charisma that translates to sexiness; A lot of sex work is talking, listening and making people feel attractive. This isn’t pornography and the ability to adapt and take on emotional labour in an effortless way is as important as anything physical.
What if I want to get a tattoo, piercing or dye my hair rainbow colours?
The more body modifications you get the harder your photos are to photoshop and in general, the less clients are willing to meet you.
After 13 years we have a very established brand/demographic and we tend to attract a lot of clients who are not too keen on body mods.
What if I am not bi-sexual?
Luckily, being bi is not a pre-requisite of the job, neither is providing bi services.
Be comfortable, communicate your boundaries and we will listen!
Can I say ‘no’ to a booking?
Always. At any time, for any reasons.
We’ve got your back!
What about paying taxes?
Taxes can be paid discreetly so that nothing goes on your permanent record linking you to sex work. You can find out more at the NZPC!
Feeling pumped? Apply here email@example.com