What if I know the client?

At Funhouse we have an intercom system, allowing you to see the client before you let them in. If you happen to know them (this happens so surprisingly seldom) you don’t need to interact with them at all I will step in and this will not be an issue for you or the client. You will both be kept safe and private.

If you are a client reading this, rest assured the intercom is only used by the lady who is waiting to greet you, your privacy is protected at all times!

What hours do I have to work each week?

You can choose your hours; We work on call.

Every Sunday Madam Mary will send a text asking what days/times you would like to be available for the coming week. If anything changes, the only rule is that you communicate clearly. You always have the right to turn down bookings and ideally you will be given at least an hours notice before a booking.

Show me the money

Our payout structure is based around you getting between 60 and 70 percent of the take from each job.

It may not seem that way when written down, but taking into account the advertising/material costs that go into each booking, it works out to be at least 60 to 70 percent.
With massage bookings you get around 70 percent of the total amount charged without costs it is often more like 75 percent (woo!).

Are you trying to decide between escorting and sugaring?

If all the stories you read on the internet about sugaring were true then everyone would be doing it. If you are considering sugaring as a way of making extra income then please don’t fool yourself into believing it is not sex work! It IS sex work, we call it the soft edge of sex work and many young women fall into it as a way of making money without being a sex worker. Unfortunately all you are doing is setting yourself up to be taken advantage of by men looking for naive/vulnerable/inexperienced young women just like you.

Here are some things to understand about sugaring:

  • Many sugar daddies are sex worker clients who have been banned from reputable escort agencies for pushing boundaries and being less than respectful. Or have stopped seeing escorts because escorts refuse to be that taken advantage of.
  • You will be expected to put in a lot of time and performance for a generally meagre amount of money or perhaps gifts in exchange. You can’t pay your rent with gifts.
  • Sex will be expected and more often than not it will be expected without protection. Sugar daddies are not ONLY having sex with you, no matter what they tell you.
  • You will often have no one who knows what you are doing and therefore no one to talk to about this, ask advice from or help you understand and set boundaries and prices.
  • All the time you are spending with a sugar daddy is time that you will be expected to be on your ‘best’ behavior, meaning they will expect you to be witty, charming, and ‘into them’. This is the work that escorts do for short, set amounts of time and get well remunerated for.
  • If you are reading this and you still decide to go down the sugaring route, please at least make a visit to nzpc.org.nz and seek their advice and support. They are an amazing bunch of people whose only interest is your physical and mental health.

What if I only want to do sensual massage and not full service?

Your body, your rules.

You can choose to only provide massage or provide massage and full service and either is fine and dandy.
If you do decide to opt for massage only you may still wish to provide extras.
Different women are comfortable with different services and Funhouse supports your right to establish your own boundaries.

What if I am not very experienced with sex?

As long as you feel as though you can stand up for your boundaries (and we can talk you through this) and are ok with being in a supportive sexual environment, the rest is practice and confidence.

We give you basic training and can talk you through some helpful tips and tricks for practicing safe, fun and consensual sex.
If you have any questions, we will answer them, no matter how embarrassing or trivial they seem.

What if I don’t want to see a client again?

You don’t have to.

You have a right to say ‘no’ to any booking for whatever reason.
Sex work should never feel yucky, unsafe or pressured, so we will always support your decisions and back you up 110%

What if I have no money to buy new lingerie for photos?

One of our most popular ladies here first arrived to FH with a bra that was held together with safety pins. We have plenty of outfits and new sets of cute knickers in cases of emergency.

Then perhaps once you get your first payout you may want to splash out on a few matching sets of underwear, inexpensive is fine; Feminine and cute is all we ask.

I’m in! How do I apply??

You will need to fill out or form attached to the About & Contact Page, here you will be asked to provide recent photos & a small description of yourself. This may include why you are interested in becoming an escort, what you consider to be your cutest feature/best quality and whether or not you have tried sex work before.

Please also include your age, contact information, any tattoos, large marks or significant scars you may have is also super-important and whether you live in Wellington or elsewhere.

Your confidentiality will be respected at all times and any info/pictures you submit will only be seen by Madam Mary. Due to the high volume of applications Mary is unable to meet with everyone who applies and some decisions will be made based on the applications alone.
The photos should include a clear, recent face shot and two clear, recent shots of you in lingerie or a bikini so that Madam Mary is able to get a general idea of how you may photograph.

What if I have a booking and feel unwell or bad?

You will never ever be bullied or coerced into taking a booking. Your mental and physical wellbeing is the priority before anything else.

What if I said I am available but then things change?

Let Madam Mary know as soon as you realise your plans have changed; Open and honest communication is key.

Will I have to deal with drunk/high guys?

Our main clientele are responsible, respectful, professional men.

We do not allow just anyone to wander in off the street; Clients have to be coherent enough to communicate clearly and make bookings with Mary. If a client was to turn up inebriated, they would be asked to leave.

How old do I need to be to apply?

18 years old minimum, with ID in hand.

Will clients approach me in the street?

Well we can’t guarantee this won’t happen, the majority of our clients are far too concerned with their own anonymity to do such a thing; It is very easy to pretend that any unwanted attention is a case of mistaken identity.

What if I take a holiday?

Communicate with Madam Mary your departure and return dates and come back to FH whenever you are ready.

The first rule of Funhouse is don’t talk about Funhouse

The location of Funhouse will only be revealed to you once you are hired; This protects the anonymity of both clients and workers.

What if I have worked before, can I still apply?

If you have worked in Wellington it will depend on the whereabouts, how much you charged and how long you have worked for; If you have not worked in Wellington you are more likely to be able to transition.

Do I have to *gulp* ‘audition’?

God no. There is no creepy ‘testing out’ of new girls, just talking.

Mary is looking for a combination of beauty, brains, empathy and charisma that translates to sexiness; A lot of sex work is talking, listening and making people feel attractive. This isn’t pornography and the ability to adapt and take on emotional labour in an effortless way is as important as anything physical.

What if I want to get a tattoo, piercing or dye my hair rainbow colours?

Although beautiful in every form, our clientele at Funhouse vary with preference – however, the more body modifications you get – The harder your photos are to photoshop, and can be a turn off in general for some. After 15 years we have a very established brand/demographic and we tend to attract a lot of clients who are less keen on body mods.

What if I am not bi-sexual?

Luckily, being bi is not a pre-requisite of the job, neither is providing bi services.

Be comfortable, communicate your boundaries and we will listen!

What if I am not ‘female’ or female presenting?

Some of our ‘ladies’ are Non-Binary, and we have in the past been home to Tran’s sex workers.
Although, everyone who comes on board as a Funhouse Lady have understood the clientele niche we service, are predominantly interested in female presenting escorts, with female anatomy.

We understand this is a difficult representation for some, and although Funhouse may not be able to supply efficient work to those who don’t align or feel comfortable with working with a cis-female presentation . So please feel free to reach out to us, we can offer you advice & guidance for other agencies that cater to more gender fluid presenting services. 

Can I say ‘no’ to a booking?

Always. At any time, for any reasons.
We’ve got your back!

What if my photo’s aren’t professional quality?

Photos can be off your phone – as long as they are clear and recent, you don’t need professional photos to apply. Don’t forget, we are often our own harshest critics and it is easy to find faults in our own bodies that are invisible to others.

What about paying taxes?

Taxes can be paid discreetly so that nothing goes on your permanent record linking you to sex work. You can find out more at the NZPC!

Feeling pumped? Apply here or email in to [email protected]me.com