The day I started my masters degree, I imagined myself wearing Vivienne Westwood suits and red-bottom heels to the office in a career dictated by men. I was excited to prove myself intellectually, dive into the books and be challenged in the professional world. I wanted to make my parents proud. So how and why did I become a Wellington escort? 

After graduation, I entered the workforce with gusto. Brimming with ideas, boundless energy and willing to take on any tasks, I quickly built a name for myself as the office cheerleader. My boss could count on me, my colleagues appreciated my support and I was truly proud of the work I was creating and the connections I was building. Over time, however, I noticed a plateau. Monotony ensued, and the cost of living began to ramp up in Wellington. In the CBD I noticed deeper frown lines forming, people didn’t say ‘hello’ so often, there was an overarching sense of despair, boredom and stagnancy. The stress amongst my peers was growing and even my boss, worn out and tired, had stopped caring about the quality of the work we were doing. It seemed that inspiration was lacking and growth had fallen off the radar.

I decided to take up an overseas contract to shake off the cobwebs and progress in a new direction. I learnt more about myself and what I had to offer through the challenges of a new workplace, learning foreign languages and integrating cultural differences. I’m a team player, easy to talk to and pragmatic – all great attributes for white collar roles where business dinners became my bread and butter. But there was another side to me I felt had been neglected through the traditional working world – my femininity.

Outside of business hours I adore dancing, writing and cooking for dinner parties. It’s a joy to talk amongst friends about our wet dreams and favourite romance novels. Dressing up in silk and pearls and sipping on fine wine allows me to leave the sterile ambiance of the office in the past. At my desk I worked hard to show I was just as smart and capable as men; but art, fantasy and mystery were the colouring pencils of my daydreams.

Before joining Funhouse, there was a moment I realised I wanted to date men who were older and more experienced than I. Easy to talk to, a wealth of life lessons to share and so many common interests despite generations in between us. The penny dropped when I had a sexual awakening earlier this year and saw myself in the mirror during a raunchy night with an older gentleman. The smell of sweat beading on our bodies brought a gleam into my eyes I’d not noticed before, a newfound hunger for boundless pleasure was born. This lucky man told me he felt energised and soothed in the presence of a powerful woman. I realised my talents lay not just in a book or a spreadsheet, but in the art of seduction and playfulness.

From a young age I knew I was no actress or model. Instead, I always found joy in helping others and learning what makes them tick. At Funhouse, I get to do this, make meaningful connections and no longer feel like a cog in the corporate machine.

Every moment with a client is unique and authentic to the two of us. The people who pay escorts for a good time are looking to be seen, accepted and respected for who they are instead of who they are expected to be. So I choose to mirror the same down-to-earth demeanour in return.

Funhouse is infamous for its sensual massage services. If you’ve ever been curious about dabbling in the world of luxury and soothing intimate touch, naked body-to-body time with an oily playmate is the way to go. I particularly enjoy the massage room because I get to knead away the worries of my suitors through healing hands and intimate conversation. Touch and time spent together is deeply underrated in this regard. Coconut oil provides a glorious sheen to admire in the mirrors and the slippery meeting of my breasts on soft skin is simply divine. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I get to receive massages too – and who doesn’t love their curves being caressed by warm and knowing hands?

Another aspect of being a professional girlfriend that has boosted my confidence is the celebration of boundaries and consent. Discussing and respecting boundaries provides an exciting scope for experimentation with other fun and creative options. Out in the wild, many men my age struggle to ask for what they really want – often fear of rejection, stigma and taboo guiding this. But at Funhouse, we provide a sensual playpen in which anyone can explore their fantasies or experiment with new positions and kinks free of judgement. 

Nothing is sexier to me than a playmate asking permission to touch me in new ways, and learning from my suitors how they tick and what feels good, in turn makes me feel like an infinite well of pleasure. Sex work really is a no-brainer.

I love the girlfriend and pornstar experience equally. There is an art to creating a soothing and authentic sensual space for two lovers in the bedroom, and so far I’ve found conversations with new suitors to be some of the most engaging. There’s a lot to be said for skipping the small talk and opening up completely. 

Pornstar experience carries the same intimacy, but allows people to live out their online fantasies in a hedonistic manner. Whether it’s dirty talk you’re craving, a naughty little sex slave you’re after, or foot fetish you’d like to explore, I am one of many ladies available today who would love to provide the space for safe nymphomania. Escorts are creative, fun-loving and secretly pretty perverted. So when a porn lover approaches me with a scenario in which I get to doll up and let loose, I skip in my kitten heels at the opportunity.

Prior to this exciting career change, I considered myself open-minded, playful and well-versed in the bedroom. But what sets Funhouse apart from many agencies, is Madam Mary’s reputation as New Zealand’s top dominatrix. She has imparted her kinky wisdom onto willing goddesses and boy-oh-boy there is so much to learn!

When it comes to kink play, BDSM and the idea of a dominant woman taking control of a man – I really have begun to understand what all the fuss is about. There are more toys, tools and PVC outfits available than I could possibly list. Prior to Funhouse I had grown accustomed to a more submissive role, something Mary tells me is an asset in aspiring dommes. It is imperative to understand the psychology of wanting to be looked after and relinquish control to an experienced and empathetic playmate. Now able to learn from my human sex toys what they’re after, I’ve begun to crave kink more. The power I feel as I receive worship and adoration from a man on his knees, the trust they put in me, the joy we both share – that’s something I take the utmost pride in.

As this manifesto draws to a close, I hope you can understand that when we say we love our jobs here at Funhouse, we really do mean it. New Zealand’s world-leading legislation allows both parties to reap equal benefit from the industry. Sex workers are advocates for safe, inclusive and therapeutic connections to be made in a tech-centric world. If I could go back in time and change one thing about the decision to become an escort, it would only be to start sooner.